Forget roses. I don鈥檛 need chocolate. And the last thing I want to do for Valentine鈥檚 Day is go out to an overpriced prix fixe dinner. What I want for Valentine鈥檚 Day, and what I think is the most valuable gift from one partner to another, is to spend quality time together in the great outdoors. Time outside together is my love language.
My husband, Mark, and I have been married for 21 years. We started dating when he worked at Rock & Ice Magazine and I worked at Trail Runner Magazine. (It鈥檚 a very Boulder, Colorado love story.) We spent those early days trail running and climbing together. One of our first dates was a three-pitch climb on a very exposed face on Independence Pass鈥攊n the rain. He had overestimated both my climbing ability and my comfort level with exposure. I cried. He calmed me. He鈥檇 been a climbing guide and knew how to talk me off a ledge, literally and figuratively.
While we were dating, I occasionally dragged him into adventure races when my team and I needed another teammate. We still joke about the 24-hour race in California where his knee was bothering him about 22 hours in and we were reduced to a walk. I said something caring and comforting like, 鈥淵our knee is already hurt. We might as well run.鈥 We did. He recovered.
We鈥檝e since had two kids, and juggled jobs, finances, friends, and household chores. We often tag-team who goes to our sons鈥 soccer games on weekends while the other does their outdoor sport with friends, alone, or with the dog. Our relationship tends to collect dust, as does a lot of the outdoor gear that we鈥檝e amassed over the years.
We鈥檝e all heard about the numerous studies that prove spending time in nature,, and can even. And there鈥檚 a good reason why more therapists are adopting, either working with clients through dance or, especially here in Boulder, going for hikes. The mind-body connection can鈥檛 be ignored, and there is something to be said for opening up to someone and connecting while you鈥檙e not face to face鈥攃onsider why running partners become so close; why kids often share more openly with their parents while in the car; and why two stubborn people who have been married 21 years actually talk more when outside doing an activity together.
A few recent studies have taken a look at how. But I don鈥檛 need a study to tell me that spending quality time outdoors together is good for my relationship with my husband. (That said, if I need to use science as an argument to get him out the door with me, so be it.)
One of my favorite ways to celebrate any event in the 23 years we鈥檝e been together is to spend time on the trail. Right around our fifteenth anniversary, I was invited to a 鈥渃ouple鈥檚-oriented鈥 travel-writers鈥 trip on the island of Kauai. (The perks of the job are sometimes very good.) My husband and I聽 were treated to fancy dinners and stayed in nice places. But we connected the most鈥攁nd I knew this would happen鈥攚hen just the two of us hiked the on the Na Pali Coast. It didn鈥檛 hurt that the views were spectacular and swimming underneath a waterfall was otherworldly. But it was the walking and talking I liked the most鈥攕omething we can attain anywhere, anytime if we just make the effort.
So, instead of spending money on clich茅d Valentine鈥檚 gifts like flowers, chocolate, or jewelry鈥攐r even buying each other adventure-enabling gear that we鈥檇 likely use separately鈥攁ll I want to do is dust off the gear we already have and head outside, together. It鈥檚 the time, and the space, that is most valuable.
We may go on a hike with the dog. We may get creative, put on headlamps, and go for a night hike. Or we may grab our skinny skis and the dog and glide through a snow-covered open space to a lake. That may sound romantic, but it鈥檚 more than romance I鈥檓 after. It鈥檚 the connection. And connection is everything.