A few years ago, when I began to focus more on my writing career, my mom, a former writer herself, gave me a book titled听Passion: Every Day.听It was filled with inspiring quotes like 鈥淚 dare you, while there is still time, to have a magnificent obsession鈥 and 鈥渇ollow your desire as long as you live.鈥 The book is part of a larger canon that argues that the key to a good life听is just magically finding your passion鈥攁 word often vaguely used to describe听a general enthusiasm, drive, or intensity for something鈥攁nd then following it wherever it leads. You might recognize this type of language from hokey Instagram posts.听
There鈥檚 only one problem: in researching, reporting, and writing my new book,听,听I learned that nearly everything people think about passion is wrong.听So, let鈥檚 bust some myths.听
What People Say: 鈥Find Your Passion鈥
The reality: You don鈥檛 find it. You cultivate it. Expecting to find something that feels perfect right away sets you up for frustration, constant seeking. Lower the bar from 鈥減erfect鈥澨齮o 鈥渢his is interesting鈥澨齛nd choose activities that offer these big three traits linked to long-term passion, performance, and life-satisfaction:
- Autonomy: having control over what you do.听
- Mastery: the ability to make clear and tangible progress.听
- Belonging: a听sense of community. 听听
What People Say: 鈥Quit Your Day Job鈥
The reality:听Bad idea. The shows that individuals who pursue their passions as side-gigs and gradually听ramp up are much more successful over the long-haul. This is because there鈥檚 less pressure, so you can take more risks. Don鈥檛 quit your job too fast.听
What People Say: 鈥Go Big or Go Home鈥 听
The reality:听Dumb! People with that attitude tend to end up home. They get injured or burn out from doing too much, too fast, too soon. Much better to take small and consistent steps, which lead to big gains.
What People Say: 鈥Follow Your Passion鈥 听
The reality:听Definitely wrong. You want your passion to follow you.听If you follow your passion, you set yourself up to go down a slippery slope of craving, chasing external validation. That鈥檚 why obsessive passion is associated with anxiety, depression, cheating, and burnout.
What People Say: 鈥Be Balanced鈥
The reality:听Passion and balance are antithetical. Aiming to be balanced as a driven pusher is just fighting against yourself. That鈥檚 no fun. Better than balance:听developing astute self-awareness so you can prioritize and make wise tradeoffs.听
My hope is that 听gives you pratices to implement in day-to-day life to develop passion and then channel it in a productive manner. Passion can be a gift or a curse. What direction it takes depends on you.
Brad Stulberg () is a performance coach and writes听国产吃瓜黑料鈥檚 Do It Better column. He is also the author of the new book听.听