Consider Amelia Boone. The world-champion Spartan racer is a Type A pusher. When she鈥檚 not winning Spartan events or racing ultramarathons, she鈥檚 a corporate lawyer for Apple. Boone has always set high expectations for herself, and that has undoubtedly helped propel her to the top.
But after a string of serious injuries in 2016, including a femoral stress fracture, her athletic performance declined. At first, Boone expected to recover quickly from her injury. When that didn鈥檛 happen, she was disappointed. Once she finally recovered from the injury itself鈥攕lowly, over the course of many months鈥擝oone found that she had 鈥渦nderestimated the length of time needed to rebuild as an athlete after a year on the sidelines,鈥 she told me. Disappointment yet again.
Striving for big, hard-to-reach goals is good. Up to a point.
In a recent blog post reflecting on her experience, Boone that she was tempted to wait until she felt fully ready to race again, 鈥渦ntil I鈥檇 regained all the strength I鈥檇 lost, until my running paces had come back, until I was sure I could go out there and dominate.鈥 But she realized this attitude may have been setting her up for even further disappointment. What if she never felt fully ready? What if her strength and running paces never completely returned?
鈥淸I realized] I could set aside my ego, toe the start line feeling less than confident, and accept what my current limitations were,鈥 writes Boone. 鈥淚 could accept that I鈥檓 rusty, accept that I鈥檓 scared, and accept that the results may not be what I like. Essentially, I could accept where I am in the process and be okay with that. There鈥檚 freedom in realizing your expectations are only constructs you create in your own head.鈥
The problem with placing too much emphasis on your expectations鈥攅specially when they are exceedingly high鈥攊s that if you don鈥檛 meet them, you鈥檙e liable to feel sad, perhaps even burned out. This isn鈥檛 to say that you shouldn鈥檛 strive for excellence, but there鈥檚 wisdom in not letting perfect be the enemy of good.
In 2006, epidemiologists from the University of Southern Denmark set out to explore why citizens of Denmark consistently score higher than any other Western country on measures of life satisfaction. Their findings, in the medical journal BMJ (formerly the British Medical Journal), zeroed in on the importance of expectations. 鈥淚f expectations are unrealistically high they could be the basis of disappointment and low life satisfaction,鈥 write the authors. 鈥淲hile the Danes are very satisfied, their expectations [compared to other countries] are rather low.鈥
In a more recent that included more than 18,000 participants and was published in 2014 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers from University College in London examined people鈥檚 happiness from moment to moment. They found that 鈥渕omentary happiness in response to outcomes of a probabilistic reward task is not explained by current task earnings, but by the combined influence of the recent reward expectations and prediction errors arising from those expectations.鈥 In other words: Happiness at any given moment equals reality minus expectations.
Still, it鈥檚 worth reiterating that setting high expectations is integral to personal, athletic, and professional improvement. If you don鈥檛 aim for progressively higher targets, you鈥檙e liable to stay where you are, or maybe even stagnate. But it鈥檚 equally important to realize that if you are setting unreasonably high expectations, you won鈥檛 be too happy (at least not for long), and it鈥檚 hard to be on top of your game when you鈥檙e feeling down. Another way to think about this is that, yes, you should set goals, but you should make sure they are achievable鈥攁nd try not to stress over what you can鈥檛 control. And after you鈥檝e set them, perhaps you should spend a little less time focusing on the goals (expectations) and more time on doing your best in the moment (reality).
In the of Jason Fried, founder and CEO of software company and author of multiple books on workplace performance: 鈥淚 used to set expectations in my head all day long. But constantly measuring reality against an imagined reality is taxing and tiring, [and] often wrings the joy out of experiencing something for what it is.鈥
Brad Stulberg () writes 国产吃瓜黑料鈥檚 Do It Better column and is the author of the new book .