To make long-term improvement in anything鈥攆rom running听to writing听to eating听to gardening鈥攜ou need to do it consistently. But you shouldn鈥檛 beat yourself up, at least not too badly, when you don鈥檛. It鈥檚 simple, but not easy.
Rule #1: Do the Thing
This is self-explanatory. If you don鈥檛 regularly run, you will not get better at running. Showing up day in and day out; taking small steps to achieve big gains; being unrelenting,听consistent, or self-disciplined鈥攚hatever you want to call it, it is critical to lasting progress. In a world inundated with self-prescribed hacks, quick fixes, and countless other silver bullets鈥攖he majority of which are plentiful on promises yet meager on results鈥攊t鈥檚 easy to forget the importance of hard work. But even the most talented athlete听or the most gifted artist is nothing without pounding the stone. Putting in the work鈥攚hen you feel like it,听and听perhaps especially when you don鈥檛鈥攚ill eventually yield results.
Stephen King said it well in his book听: 鈥淒on鈥檛 wait for the muse. As I鈥檝e said, he鈥檚 a hardheaded guy who鈥檚 not susceptible to a lot of creative fluttering. This isn鈥檛 the Ouija board or the spirit-world we鈥檙e talking about here, but just another job like laying pipe or driving long-haul trucks鈥bove all else, be consistent.鈥
So, yeah,听get to work, even when you don鈥檛 want to.
Rule #2: Don鈥檛 Beat Yourself Up When You Don鈥檛 Do the Thing
Doing something for the long haul means you鈥檒l make mistakes and have bad days. This is just how it goes, an unfortunate reality. How you respond when this happens is important.
Beating yourself up is perhaps the most common reaction. It is also the worst.
Freaking out about not doing the thing鈥攐r at least not doing it as you planned鈥攊s a waste of time and energy. It does nothing to change the past. It feels lousy in the present. And it is not helpful for the future; if anything, it often makes it worse. If you are overly hard on yourself, you may just quit. And even if you don鈥檛, you鈥檒l be apprehensive going forward. Why take a risk听or attempt to rise to the next level if the cost of failure is a self-inflicted beatdown? Fear is an .
Back in high-school, one of my football coaches would often say, 鈥淭he key to being a good cornerback is having a short memory.鈥 You are going to get burned every once in a while. The quicker you let go of that, the better.
Having a short memory doesn鈥檛 mean you don鈥檛 learn from your mistakes. You do. You just don鈥檛 dwell on them or get angry. You analyze them. Then you take what is helpful and leave the rest behind.
This kind of self-compassion doesn鈥檛 come easy to Type A, highly driven people. If you find yourself being overly hard on yourself, pretend that you鈥檙e giving advice to a friend who鈥檚 in your situation. What would you say to them? We tend to be a lot kinder and wiser .
Mantras can also help. They snap you out of your head and put you back in the present moment. Here is one I like to use听with听both myself and my clients: This is what is happening right now. I鈥檓 doing the best I can.
Doing the thing鈥攚hatever it may be鈥攐ver and over again takes you to hard places. It requires self-discipline and persistence to keep going. Not beating yourself up too badly when you don鈥檛 do the thing is what allows you to brush yourself off and get up when you are down. Put them together and what you get is .
Brad Stulberg () coaches on performance and well-being and writes听国产吃瓜黑料鈥檚听Do It Better听column. He is the bestselling author of and听听and co-founder of听.