Powder skiing used to be elitist鈥攊n a good way. Weighting and unweighting turns in deep snow on skinny skis required a choreography of strength (the snow torqued on your knees and core), skill (the grace to de-camber a ski and then ride that energy return up and out of the snow), and a not insignificant lifestyle choice (to get the skills and strength, you had to ski a lot). Then came fat rockered skis and cheap mega-passes, which made skiing powder both technically easier and more financially accessible. And we鈥檙e fine with that. But with massive storm systems bearing down on the Rockies, it鈥檚 a good time to go over some rules that will help us all get along out there.
Apologize to Your Loved Ones in Advance听
Winter is short and getting shorter, and with ever more powder skiers in the mountains, competition for untracked snow is Darwinian. The term powder panic undersells this effect. It鈥檚 more of a powder rut. We behave recklessly, like rutting elk. 听that ripping powder, like sex, lights up the limbic system in our brain and can make for bad decision-making.听
Wear Whatever the Hell You Like听
Nobody should care if you ski in a furry costume, glaciated blue jeans like Dick Cheney, or a $1,500 kit from Arc鈥檛eryx. Gaper gap? Totally fine, if a bit uncomfortable.
No Savesies
It鈥檚 become an unfortunate听powder-day trend for skiers to get to the lift well before opening bell, place their skis in the first spot in the corral, and then walk into the lodge for a coffee and a cruller, thinking that their skis are reserving their rights to first chair as the line piles up behind them. With apologies to a buddy who is notorious for this tactic, this type of injustice will not stand. Please pick up your skis in the creek.听
Get Off My Skis
I want to get on the lift, too. Just because it鈥檚 a powder day doesn鈥檛 give you the right to smack your board or skis down on my ski tails. Our skis are expensive parts of our personal space. It鈥檚 also not OK听for you to traverse over my ski tails as you alternate in the lift maze.听
Wear the Coat, Don鈥檛 Let the Coat Wear You
This is a special rule for ski patrollers, ski-school instructors, and any mountain employee flying the colors. If you got some sort of special early access to the hill, you鈥檇 better make sure听we don鈥檛 catch you making ugly tracks in that pristine snow. Represent the mountain.
Don鈥檛 Be a Bottleneck听
Societal rules exist because common sense doesn鈥檛. So here goes: If I just caught up to you on a boot-pack or a traverse from a hundred yards back, it鈥檚 because I鈥檓 faster than you. Kindly step aside, just as I gladly step aside for those faster than me. Fail to heed this rule听and you risk being subjected to so-called Teton Pass turtling, in which the skier behind you tugs you off balance, depositing you on your back in the snow.
Whoop, but Don鈥檛 Yee-Haw
Skiers have gone back and forth on this controversial subject for generations, but here鈥檚 the听final adjudication: if you must let forth with climactic utterings as you shred, please contain them to single and rare onomatopoeic-locator yips听and whoops听from within the trees. No yee-haws, please. The board has decided, however, that it will accept the 鈥渨he, whe, wheeeee!鈥 of the Geico pig.听
Put Away the Selfie Stick
Unless there鈥檚 30 inches of blower and the face shots are spilling over your head, you look ridiculous filming yourself in low-angle powder. That sound from the chairlift is heckling.
Beers are for Apr猫s, and Apr猫s Means 鈥淎fter鈥澨
Locals at one Colorado resort took the time to create an elaborate sign mocking me for raising this point in 2018. But I鈥檓 sticking to my guns: powder skiing is a marginally dangerous and moderately athletic pursuit that鈥檚 performed around other skiers and young children. Why would you get a buzz on before the day even starts? Pocket beers scream poseur.听
Wear Your Avalanche Beacon鈥擩ust Not in the Bar
Wear that beacon in the backcountry. Hell, wear it on those monster in-bound days, too. Just put it in your pack when you get to the bar.
Support POW
Winter is indeed challenged by climate change鈥攁nd climate-change deniers. Donate to (POW), and help it empower听the youth vote to cast aside those who would refute science. Let鈥檚 save powder days so that future generations can听share in the glory of our misplaced priorities.