Recently I went to go see a cosmetic dermatologist to have something taken off my face. (A basal cell carcinoma, not my laugh lines and crow鈥檚 feet.) As I lay in a recliner waiting to be carved, the doctor asked the inevitable question:
鈥淪o, what do you do?鈥
You never know where the conversation鈥檚 gonna go when you reveal yourself as a bike person. Sometimes it turns out they ride too. Sometimes they ask awkward questions. (鈥淪o how do you sit on those hard little seats?鈥 鈥淲hat鈥檚 with all the doping?鈥 鈥淎ren鈥檛 you afraid of getting killed?鈥) And sometimes they鈥檝e got strong opinions about bikes that you sense they鈥檝e been meaning to compile into a screed and submit to the local newspaper, but now that you鈥檙e here they figure they might as well just share everything with you instead.
This particular interaction fell under the last category.
Now I鈥檓 not saying the doctor launched into a full-on foaming-at-the-mouth anti-bike tirade. Nevertheless, he made it quite clear there were a number of things about bicycles of which he did not approve. In another context it鈥檚 possible I might not have minded the discussion. In fact, I might even have welcomed it, for there鈥檚 nothing wrong with engaging in a spirited topical discussion with someone over a few beers. However, when the person impugning your lifestyle is also wielding a scalpel and preparing to bore a hole in your face, it feels a bit more like an interrogation鈥攕ort of like , except I was anesthetized, and of course the doctor was saving me from face cancer.
This is by no means the first time I鈥檝e been put on the defensive for being a bike person, either. For example, it also happened at the dentist, though that was more Marathon Man than 1984. I鈥檝e also been put on the spot at weddings and funerals. (Well, okay, just the one funeral, but still.) If you鈥檙e a cyclist, no doubt you too have been lectured, interrogated, or excoriated by a relative stranger at one point or another鈥攁nd if you haven鈥檛, you may be long overdue for a skin cancer screening or a teeth cleaning, so you鈥檇 better get on that.
So what is it about cycling that makes people who don鈥檛 do it feel compelled to bike-splain it right back to you, even when you鈥檙e nowhere near a bike, and even when it invariably steers the fanboat of small talk deep into the weeds? 聽聽聽
Well, for one thing, if you ride a bike you鈥檙e instantly accountable for the behavior of everybody else who rides one too, it鈥檚 just the way things work. 鈥淲hy don鈥檛 you bikers ever stop for red lights?鈥 is typical of the sort of insult-disguised-as-question you might encounter. Tell the person sitting next to you at the dinner party that you鈥檙e a cosmetic dermatologist and they鈥檙e unlikely to lump you in with all those . Furthermore, if the conversation then organically shifts to your new German sports sedan they鈥檙e almost certainly not going to ask you, 鈥淲hy are all BMW drivers such douchebags?鈥 (Though to be honest they鈥檒l probably think it, sorry to break it to you.) But mention that you ride bikes and it鈥檚, 鈥淥h, you鈥檙e one of those.鈥 At that point you might want to take a big swig of wine to prepare yourself for the onslaught of anecdotes about the annoying group ride that goes by their house for five seconds once a week, or that one time someone on a bike came near them and 鈥渁lmost killed鈥 them.
To be fair, as a de-facto cycling spokesperson, your job isn鈥檛 always to explain or defend the actions of everyone else who rides bikes. During the summer it鈥檚 inevitable someone will innocently demand that you explain to them how the Tour de France works. You might also find yourself in the role of confessor for the sorts of people who say things like, 鈥淚鈥檇 love to ride a bike but [I鈥檓 too busy] [I鈥檓 too scared] [I can鈥檛 show up sweaty to work],鈥 etc. (This sort of unnecessary guilt about not cycling is a by-product of our selling cycling on how 鈥済reen鈥 it is, but that鈥檚 another matter.) And yes, you will even get sweet, guileless people who think what you鈥檙e doing is great and want to know more about it, because real life isn鈥檛 Twitter, and there are actually still open-minded human beings out there who want to learn new things
But make no mistake: lots of people do hate you. It鈥檚 science! Yes, found that 鈥渁round half of non-cyclists view cyclists as 鈥榣ess than fully human.鈥欌 :
Of the study鈥檚 participants, 17 percent admitted to having used their car to deliberately block a cyclist, 11 percent said they鈥檇 deliberately driven their car close to a cyclist, and nine percent had used their car to cut a cyclist off.
So does this mean if you鈥檙e a white guy on a bike you now get to consider yourself a member of an oppressed minority? Fuck no, get over yourself. However, it does mean that no matter who you are, when you鈥檙e riding a bike there are plenty of people who think you鈥檙e basically a bug. It also explains why you can sometimes feel this contempt seeping into your off-the-bike social interaction.
After my skin surgery, I wondered if maybe the next time someone asked me what I do I鈥檇 give a fake answer that was bound to shut them up. (IRS auditor came to mind.) However, the fact is that these uncomfortable exchanges present us with a crucial opportunity to change people鈥檚 attitudes, for as the abstract of the study points out:
If we can put a human face to cyclists, we may improve attitudes and reduce aggression directed at on-road cyclists.
While shouting matches in the street rarely amount to much, we have a lot to gain from thoughtful and civil discourse. So take a deep breath and spare a moment to extoll the virtues of bikes. Hopefully in the course of my conversation with the doctor I at least helped put a human face on New York City鈥檚 cyclists as he cut into mine.