When eventual Boston Marathon winner Desiree Linden pulled over to wait for her friend and competitor Shalane Flanagan during a nature call last month, it reminded me of a similar run-in I had with a chemical toilet five years ago. How could it be, I wondered, that two unrelated Porta-Potty incidents raised such monumental questions about sportsmanship?
By now you know about . The second, in Rocky Mountain National Park, is lesser known. No titles were on the line. It was an informal group ride up Trail Ridge Road, a famed Colorado climb that鈥檚 ridden for the views, camaraderie, and novelty of the park. Six of us clipped in and chatted amicably as a light rain fell. Nothing foreshadowed the animosity that followed.
Moments later, when our friend Herr Doktor announced that he鈥檇 drunk too much coffee, four of us pulled over at a row of portable toilets to wait at a safe distance. That鈥檚 when our sixth friend, the Rabbit鈥攁 nickname he earned by animating group rides for years, baiting the greyhounds to chase鈥攅yeballed us over his shoulder and attacked. My first reaction was to smile. It鈥檚 a faux charge, I thought. He鈥檚 just getting a laugh. But the Rabbit kept going, disappearing into the mist long before Herr Doktor finished his constitutionals. We didn鈥檛 see him again until arriving at the visitor center near the top of the pass鈥攏early three hours later.
Let Linden鈥檚 and the Rabbit鈥檚 Porta-Potty incidents serve as guideposts for what does not constitute sportsmanship. On the one hand, you have an elite athlete (Linden) willing to risk the Boston Marathon out of an altruistic if misguided allegiance to a friend she somehow thought she could help through the plastic doors of a mobile outhouse. On the other hand, the Rabbit, capitalizing on a friendly rival鈥檚 bowel movement. Both examples fall outside the norms of good sportsmanship. Let鈥檚 explore some more.
Not to dwell on defecation, but last year at the Giro d鈥橧talia, Tom Dumoulin was wearing the race leader鈥檚 pink jersey when his innards notified him that they must expel鈥攊mmediately. about what happened next鈥攖he scant bush, the waddle鈥攂ut when Tom pulled over, his competitors gradually attacked, gapping the maglia rosa and knocking him from pink by stage end.
Were they cads for doing so? While the Grand Tours have a tradition of waiting for the race leader during such crises, in this case, the peloton wasn鈥檛 soft-pedaling. The race was on. Dumoulin had a choice. Race on and humiliate himself, or risk the bushes鈥攁nd the jersey. Despite the grief about poor sportsmanship they took at the time, the general category racers who buried themselves were unassailable. Triathletes crap and barf all over themselves all the time and nobody waits. Racers need to watch what they eat. And Dumoulin, it should be noted, fought back to win the overall. Like a fecal phoenix, he was all the more likable after he arose from his nadir.
Next up, a hypothetical: Say you鈥檙e on a long group ride or run with friends. The route has been agreed upon by all parties. The pace will be challenging, but there will be two spots to regroup if stragglers get popped. Everybody knows the deal. It鈥檚 a training-race atmosphere. Except one person in the party isn鈥檛 playing by the same rules. At the turn for the canyon, she guns it, clearly at threshold pace. Startled, the group gives chase and shatters. One by one, everyone collapses into the first regroup, blown for the rest of the outing. That鈥檚 when our attacker announces she鈥檚 turning around. 鈥淜id duty, work is piling up, out-of-town guests.鈥 Three times this has happened to me; once, regretfully, the charge was led by Herr Doktor, who at least was playing a practical joke. The other perpetrators had issues. (Divorces do strange things to parents on bikes.) Either way, they were outside the lines of rivalry etiquette.
Whether I鈥檝e soiled my chamois or blown a tire, I鈥檒l accept your post-race empathy. I don鈥檛 want your in-race sympathy.
Being too nice can also muck things up. The time my buddy waited for me at the Breck Epic after my crank flew off my mountain bike and down a ravine? Chivalrous but unnecessary and, as with Linden in Boston, too much of a bleeding-heart response. Whether I鈥檝e soiled my chamois or blown a tire, I鈥檒l accept your post-race empathy. I don鈥檛 want your in-race sympathy. Mechanical failures are part of mountain biking. (As an aside, they should be fair game for attacks in the Tour de France, too.) Recent Commonwealth Games mountain bike champion Sam Gaze learned this lesson last month after he flipped the bird at teammate Anton Cooper for when Gaze suffered a flat. Like a less cheer-worthy Linden or Dumoulin, Gaze eventually caught back on and won. He later apologized to the fans and his teammate, but Gaze should know that self-reliant mountain bike racing doesn鈥檛 suffer fools who would stop for somebody else鈥檚 breakdown鈥搊r a teammate鈥檚, for that matter. Mountain biking and marathon running generally aren鈥檛 team sports.
Whether too compassionate or too Machiavellian, sportsmanship-challenged people don鈥檛 need our ridicule; they need our help. Middle school gym teachers with fanny packs should have long ago ingrained in the softies that, outside of an actual emergency, stopping and waiting in a race is quitting. Sentimentalism takes competition out of sport. Contrariwise, racing in a nonrace setting only works if everyone agrees on the rules. Perhaps it鈥檚 a Boulder thing, but last fall, while organizing a guys鈥 mountain bike trip to Crested Butte, I found myself needing to act as a governing body. 鈥淲e鈥檒l wear baggy shorts, no race kits, and we鈥檒l wait at trail intersections. When climbs present themselves, those who want to gun it can, but they鈥檒l need to wait up top.鈥
Maybe it鈥檚 all pointless. You can鈥檛 change people. Once, the Rabbit (it鈥檚 always the Rabbit) and our mutual bleeding-heart friend entered an epic Central American mountain bike race as a team. The Rabbit promptly attacked Bleeding Heart鈥攈is own teammate鈥攖o the point of exhaustion. They ended up taking turns pushing each other to the summit. The world balances itself out.
To be fair, off the bike, the Rabbit is one of the most positive and big-hearted human beings I鈥檝e ever met. A 鈥渟talwart and patient friend in street clothes,鈥 according to Bleeding Heart. In his day job, he works with troubled teens. The Rabbit attributes his on-bike ego to a youth spent in the highly competitive dance world. The result is that when he鈥檚 clipped into pedals, the Rabbit鈥檚 brain鈥攍ike Gaze and Linden鈥攄oesn鈥檛 cipher all that sportsmanship entails. He once thought it was possible to 鈥渨in鈥 a mountain biking weekend in Fruita. He was only half-joking.
Some people see a friend in a Porta-Potty as someone in need of help. Others see a chance to send it. But either way, if you gotta go, you gotta go.