My girlfriend and I recently moved into a rural area, where we don鈥檛 have many close neighbors and are about a half hour鈥檚 drive to the nearest town. We came here for solitude and to work on some personal projects, and also to try living off the grid and as eco-friendly as we possibly can. We both work remotely and have internet, so we are at home or working on the property most of the time.
However, we have a neighbor who lives about a mile away, and he seems to have decided that if we鈥檙e home, we鈥檙e around to talk, even if it鈥檚 mid-afternoon and we explain that we鈥檙e working. This wouldn鈥檛 be the biggest problem, but the issue is that he鈥檚鈥 eccentric. He鈥檚 probably 60 or so, and has some odd beliefs about, among other things, his own theories of astrology that he talks about for ages. It doesn鈥檛 sound that bad when I write it down, but in person, he sounds completely unhinged and it鈥檚 made us uncomfortable. We鈥檙e vulnerable out here, security-wise, and it鈥檚 alarming to have a neighbor who, to put it nicely, lives in a different reality but seems to have developed an attachment to us. Is there a good way to set boundaries to explain that we want him to leave us alone? At what point should we worry about safety?
As someone who鈥檚 lived in various woods, with various woodsy neighbors, this situation is entirely familiar to me. Sometimes it feels like eccentric people are just another species in the forest. You have your bears, your fish, your conspiracy theorists in hand-built log houses, your couples who move into cabins and install solar panels. That is to say, eccentric is relative, and your neighbor probably thinks you鈥檙e the weird ones. If he鈥檚 open to a basic level of neighborliness, and he seems to be stable and well-intentioned, I think the wisest and kindest response would be for you to be open to the same.
How do you tell if he鈥檚 stable and well-intentioned? Try to trust your instincts without jumping to judgment based on the sheer weirdness of the situation鈥攚hich is hard, I know. Does your neighbor seem to ignore boundaries and personal space? Does he come over drunk, or angry? Has he ever expressed threats or aggression toward you or other people? Or does he just drop by sometimes to, say, offer some weed, and let you know that the moon is lined up with Jupiter in such a way that you should expect a lot of frogs to cross your path in the next week?
If it鈥檚 the former鈥攚ell, I鈥檇 certainly keep your space from him, and you should try to do so delicately, without any sign of outward discomfort. You don鈥檛 want to have a conflict with this guy, and luckily, so far, he seems to like you. But I suspect that trying to set explicit boundaries (i.e. 鈥淧lease don鈥檛 come here鈥) would just piss him off. Instead, if he drops by, pretend not to be home. You could also consider upping your security measures. Even a few camera traps can tell you a lot about who鈥檚 creeping at your place, and anyway, even if there鈥檚 no threat of intruders at all, game cams are a fun way to keep an eye on wildlife.
But if your neighbor鈥檚 vibe is strange without being threatening鈥攗ncomfortable but not aggressive鈥攖hen your best bet really is to make peace with the situation. For one thing, your weird neighbor is almost more of a security feature than a security threat. When you鈥檙e living remotely, your neighbors are some of your closest allies. They鈥檒l let you know if a car is skulking around your place or going up and down the road. In a storm, fire, or any sort of emergency, they鈥檒l be there to help far more quickly than any authorities from the nearest town. They鈥檙e your first line of assistance if you鈥檙e injured, or if your firewood runs low in January. And, as both etiquette and human decency demand, you should be there for them in those situations, too. There鈥檚 no question. That鈥檚 how rural life works.
As for the fact that your neighbor comes by midday to chat and doesn鈥檛 understand that you鈥檙e working, I offer a simple solution. When he stops by during your work hours, answer the door while holding a phone to your head. Say something like, 鈥淵es, I completely agree about the changes. I鈥檒l have it back to you by four.鈥 Mouth sorry. 鈥淣o, I can鈥檛 do three. I have another call then. Just a second. It鈥檚 my neighbor. Yeah, yeah. One second.鈥 Cover the phone with your hand. 鈥淗ey, what鈥檚 up? I can鈥檛 really talk, I鈥檓 on a work call.鈥 Roll your eyes, to suggest that you, too, would rather be talking about moon frogs. Odds are that your neighbor will wander away, relieved that he鈥檚 not trapped like you are. And after a few encounters like this, he鈥檒l get the sense that you are鈥攄uring the day, at least鈥攅xtremely boring company.
lives in northern Wisconsin. She and her husband have 25 sled dogs, which definitely make them the weird neighbors.