1. Stayed in Bed After My Alarm Went Off
Hey, come on. I work hard all week. And I don鈥檛 have 41 teammates waiting for me and the whole world watching. I can turn the alarm off and snooze for an extra 1 hour, 59 minutes, and 40 seconds if I need to. Actually, two and a half hours.
2. Procrastinated Emptying the Dishwasher
What do I look like, some sort of super athlete who has spent their entire life training for this moment to make history? Seriously, it can wait. There are plenty of clean coffee mugs to use while I get up the motivation to put the dishes away 1 hour, 59 minutes and 40 seconds from now. Or so.
3. Made Dinner from a聽Recipe That Was Only Supposed to Take 45 Minutes
I don鈥檛 know who writes these recipes, and who they think they鈥檙e bullshitting with this 鈥淧rep time: 20 minutes/Cook time: 25 minutes鈥 stuff. Do they have a sous chef at home to help them chop all these vegetables? It takes me 10 minutes just to peel the garlic. I was led to believe that this was going to be a pretty quick and easy weeknight meal, but it turns out that in the time it takes me to double the recipe, prep, cook everything, forget to cook the rice until way late, and tell everyone 鈥渋t鈥檒l just be a few more minutes, have some more chips and salsa鈥 four to six times, a superhuman can apparently run a marathon.
4. Cleaned Part of My Garage
OK, so I鈥檝e been saying I鈥檓 going to get around to this all summer, and I finally got it cleaned up, partially. Look, it鈥檚 a big job. Not exactly something that can be accomplished in a single Saturday morning. I mean, give me 41 guys and a pace truck and yeah, this place would be spotless, but all by myself? One hour, 59 minutes and 40 seconds is barely enough to figure out where all these tools go. At least I swept the floor, where it鈥檚 visible.
5. Watched the New Brad Pitt Space Movie
is two hours and four minutes. Add in the previews, and it takes longer for me to get through that than it took Brigid Kosgei to run the Chicago Marathon. Pretty good movie, though.
6. Read Through Twitter and Wondered if I Should Formulate an Opinion About Eliud Kipchoge鈥檚 Marathon Besides 鈥淗OLY SHIT, THAT鈥橲 AMAZING.鈥濃
I mean, there were a .听
Brendan Leonard鈥檚 new book, Bears Don鈥檛 Care About Your Problems: More Funny Shit in the Woods from Semi-Rad.com, is .