I鈥檓 an accomplished runner, and I鈥檝e been wanting to try climbing at a facility near my apartment. I have no experience, but I鈥檝e been watching videos online, and I think it鈥檚 something I would really like.
I鈥檓 used to running, which is a relatively private activity. Most of the time, nobody鈥檚 watching me. If they are, it鈥檚 because I鈥檓 in a race and performing at a fairly high level.
When I think about going to the gym, I get a pit in my stomach at the thought of people watching me be bad at climbing. I know everyone has to start somewhere, but I don鈥檛 want to slip and fall in front of other people. Or worse, I might get stuck, and be trapped up there while people watch me.
It seems like being athletic-looking makes it worse, because people will expect me to do well. How do I get over my embarrassment at trying something new?
For a while in college, I got into running. I was slow as heck, but I enjoyed it鈥攚hich surprised me, since I鈥檇 always hated gym class. I headed out for an hour most mornings. For the first few weeks, I just walked, watching the sunrise through the trees. Then I tried jogging, starting with small goals: or two, then walking听until I caught my breath. Eventually I was able to run the whole time, even on huge hills. I was in the best shape of my life.听
One day, I went on a date with a guy who was, like, a real runner. He was a college athlete, and he played sports in high school before that. He was fast and wiry. He made running look easy in a way that it had never, ever been for me.
We hit it off鈥攁t least, until the topic of a local 5K race came up. I mentioned that I might enter. I felt proud, saying it casually like that. I could run now! I was the kind of person who might enter a race on a whim!
He said that more people should enter. 鈥淗onestly,鈥 he said, 鈥渋f anyone out there can鈥檛 run three miles in a row, that鈥檚 pretty pathetic. Right?鈥
I froze. 鈥淩ight,鈥 I said. 鈥淭otally.鈥 I wanted to disappear.
I was proud of my running, but I didn鈥檛 look down on the non-runner I was before. She had other priorities. She鈥檇 been doing just fine.
Still, I took the guy鈥檚 words at face value. He thought anyone who couldn鈥檛 run three miles was pathetic. I hadn鈥檛 been able to run three miles until recently鈥攁nd it took me a lot of effort to get there. Therefore, if this guy really knew me, he would think I was pathetic.
I avoided him after that, so he鈥檇 never learn the truth.
Embarrassment and self-consciousness often stem from the idea that other people will think the same bad things that we already think鈥攐r fear鈥攁bout ourselves. I was 20 years old, and though I worked hard to accept myself, I struggled with a fear that鈥檚 so common in young women: that there was something wrong or undesirable about my body, my shape, my looks. The idea that this guy saw something pathetic about my body鈥攅ven if he didn鈥檛 realize it鈥攃ut deep.
But looking back, I think his statement may have been an attempt to cover up his own lack of confidence, too. Did he feel pressure to make running look easy? Was he afraid of losing fitness, and thus his identity as an athlete? Was he trying to impress me, or test me? Was there some part of him that hoped I would say I disagreed?
How Trying a New Sport Can Help You Gain Confidence
If you鈥檙e afraid that people may see you as a beginner, then your primary fear isn鈥檛 about other people. It鈥檚 about yourself. It鈥檚 about what being a beginner might mean about you. You鈥檙e not afraid that other people will be wrong about you. You鈥檙e afraid that they might see the truth.
I don鈥檛 say this to diminish your accomplishments in any way. I have no doubt about your athletic ability, your talent, and your hard work. I just wish that you could feel as certain about those things as I do.
Building confidence is an ongoing process; there鈥檚 no easy fix. But in this case, I think that climbing may help you in more ways than one. It might be fun, yes鈥攁nd even more importantly, it could help you realize that being bad at something doesn鈥檛 make you worth less. Your athleticism doesn鈥檛 disappear just because you lose your grip on a handhold. And your identity as an athlete doesn鈥檛 dissolve if you try a new and challenging sport. It might even get stronger.
If you鈥檙e still nervous, try going to the gym a few times and just observing. It鈥檚 great that you鈥檝e been watching climbing videos, but the people you see on social media probably have years of experience. At the gym, climbers will have different body types and skill levels. They鈥檒l slip. They鈥檒l laugh. They鈥檒l pick wedgies. Being there in person will make climbers seem less like icons and more like people. And once you see them as people, it鈥檒l be easier to picture yourself as one of them.
writes our Tough Love column. The top sports on her to-try list are long-distance paddling, kite skiing, and curling.