I am 18 and just graduated from high school. This summer I鈥檓 working as a counselor at a sleepaway camp that I attended as a kid. I have a friend working here, and I also know some of the staff from when I was a camper. The first group of campers will not arrive until next week, but the staff arrived a week early to set up.
My friend has friends who live nearby, and yesterday they invited us to hike to a lake after work was over in the evening. It was a short walk, and everyone seemed really friendly. It was very hot out, and when we got to the lake, I was surprised when three people took off their聽clothes to jump in the water. My friend did, too. I sat at the edge with another girl and just put my feet in the water. Part of me wanted to go swimming, but I didn鈥檛 really know what to do because I have not been skinny-dipping before.聽I wonder if people are disappointed in me or if they judged me for not going in. Nobody said anything, but I still felt self-conscious. Now they鈥檙e聽talking about going to the lake again and invited me to come again if I want to. Maybe I鈥檓 sheltered, but is it normal to just expect someone to get naked?
You never have to be naked around anyone you don鈥檛 want to. Period. If the idea makes you anxious, you can just take it off the table. That said, 鈥渘ormal鈥 is a loaded word, but it鈥檚 not uncommon for adults to go skinny-dipping (and it can be totally positive as long as鈥攃aveats鈥攖hey鈥檙e in a private place, everyone鈥檚 comfortable with it, and there isn鈥檛 a power dynamic that puts pressure on certain people to participate). It鈥檚 also totally normal to聽not聽go skinny-dipping, or not want to. That鈥檚 why we invented swimsuits. Everyone has their own comfort level when it comes to modesty. The question is whether this is something you want to be part of or not.
Maybe you have no interest in being around naked people聽or find the whole thing unpleasant, in which case you should simply decline the invite. Even if skinny-dipping at the lake becomes a regular way for these folks to have fun when they鈥檙e not at work, it鈥檒l probably become less regular once summer is in full swing鈥攁nd you鈥檒l have plenty of other things to do, too. Say thanks but no thanks, then grab a good book or hang out with some of the other counselors. Or if you really like these people, you could suggest a different activity, like scoping out a new trail or going to a public swimming place. You could even bring your own games, like a frisbee or a slackline, so that there are things to do out of the water, too.
But it sounds like you aren鈥檛 uncomfortable with other people skinny-dipping so much as the perceived expectation that you, too, should be skinny-dipping. You鈥檙e straight out of high school, and high school cultures tend to put pressure on students to conform, so it makes sense that you鈥檇 feel like you鈥檙e expected to participate. But in fact, most adults don鈥檛 care how their friends dress聽or what their friends wear to go swimming鈥攁nd I suspect that these people aren鈥檛 expecting anything from you at all. They鈥檙e just doing their thing. They鈥檒l probably be happy if you join in and have a good time, but they won鈥檛 think too much about it if you don鈥檛.
What we notice in other people, more than anything else, is their energy and mood. If you鈥檙e naked and uncomfortable, you鈥檒l stand out far more than if you鈥檙e in a swimsuit and enjoying yourself, even if no one else is wearing a swimsuit. You could be around skinny-dippers and wear a T-shirt and shorts in the water. You could wear one thing around some people and something else around other people, or you could wear different things on different days, depending on how you鈥檙e feeling. It鈥檚 all normal. As long as it鈥檚 what makes聽测辞耻听comfortable, people probably won鈥檛 think about it for more than a few seconds. And if they do, it鈥檚 likely because they鈥檙e noticing, not judging:聽Oh, Emma likes to swim in shorts.聽That鈥檚 not a bad thing. It鈥檚 how they get to know you better.
Either way, you should let your friend know how you鈥檙e feeling so she can make a point to check in with you. And in the meantime, you can bring this lesson to your work as a counselor: when the kids get to camp, pay attention to the ones who hang back聽or who don鈥檛 participate in certain activities, and talk to them to find out what they need. You never know what might be unfamiliar or tough for people, and by making sure that they鈥檙e included, you鈥檒l help make the summer more fun for everyone.
Blair Braverman didn’t realize she was shy about skinny dipping until she appeared on Naked and Afraid, which she wrote about here.