1. Congratulations, you鈥檝e decided to go for a run. Today. As you probably know, that鈥檚 the first step toward聽going for a run, so pat yourself on the back for that. But hold on鈥攖here are a few more things you need to do before you head out the door and take that real first stride of your run, however long it may be.
2. First things first: get dressed for your run.聽What鈥檚 the weather like out there? Sure, you could open a window or a door and get a feel for the temperature, but for the most reliable, up-to-the-minute forecast, you should probably check a weather app on your phone.
3. After you鈥檝e seen the weather forecast, you might as well cycle through all the apps聽you usually check eight to 40 times every day, just to make sure you won鈥檛 be missing anything while you鈥檙e out there running: email, text messages, Instagram, Twitter, Strava, Zillow, PetFinder, your bank account, Nest, Tinder.
4. Now you鈥檙e ready to get dressed appropriately for the weather. Find your stuff and put it on. Except where鈥檚 your favorite running hat? Not where you usually put it. Find that hat. Sure, you could go for a run without it, but why would you?
5. While looking for your hat, which could take two to 25 minutes, have a snack just to make sure you don鈥檛 bonk out there. You don鈥檛 have to prepare anything elaborate, just something quick. But, also, you could prepare something a little more elaborate. Either way, get some calories in you.
6. While ingesting said calories, pick up a magazine and read an article. Or two. Doesn鈥檛 have to be about running.
7. Do you need to carry a water bottle on today鈥檚 run? Find the bottle, but not the lid.
8. Dig around in the cupboard until you find the lid to your water bottle.
9. The nozzle looks a little funky, doesn鈥檛 it? Might as well scrub it clean now, because you know you won鈥檛 feel like doing it after your run.
10. Fill up your now-clean water bottle.
11. Find your hat. Or don鈥檛 find it. Decide to do some stretches.聽
12. Actually, before you do those stretches, do a little warm up. Get those hips loosened up, maybe a couple squats, lunges, a couple pushups, just so you鈥檙e not stretching cold muscles.
13. Do some stretches. You really should have a more strategic stretch routine, don鈥檛 you think? Grab your phone and google 鈥stretches for runners.鈥 Check out four or five different ones before deciding on one. Also read a few news articles before you start stretching.
14. Do all the stretches. Feels good, doesn鈥檛 it? Now you鈥檙e ready.
15. Actually, better use the bathroom one more time before you head out. You never know.
16. Check your phone apps one more time, just in case you鈥檝e missed anything while getting dressed, eating, reading that magazine article, warming up, and stretching.
17. You鈥檙e ready for your run! Head out the door!
18. Now that you鈥檙e actually outside, it feels a lot cooler or warmer than your weather app said it was supposed to be. Head back inside to shed a layer or add a layer.
19. OK, now you鈥檙e ready. Put in your earbuds so you鈥檒l have some music to run to.
20. But all these playlists and albums are getting boring. Create a new playlist that will be the perfect length for today鈥檚 run. Walk back inside so your phone will connect to wifi.
21. OK, now you鈥檙e really ready for your run! Except wow, it seems like it鈥檚 going to get dark soon. Maybe you should take a headlamp or a small flashlight? Yeah, head back inside and grab one, just in case.
22. Press play on that playlist, and begin running. Think about how running is great because it鈥檚 so simple and easy, because all you need to do is lace up your shoes and head out the door, just like that.
Brendan Leonard鈥檚 new book, Bears Don鈥檛 Care About Your Problems: More Funny Shit in the Woods from Semi-Rad.com, is out .