Welcome to Tough Love. Every other week, we鈥檙e answering your questions about dating, breakups, and everything in between. Our advice giver is Blair Braverman, dogsled racer and author of . Have a question of your own? Write to us at toughlove@outsidemag.com.
We get a lot of very serious relationship questions, but just as often we hear from readers with simpler dilemmas. Below, we鈥檝e gathered and rapid-fire answered them, in order from least to most complicated.
What鈥檚 the best birth control for thru-hikers?
An IUD.
Can hunters and vegans date each other?
Yes. They both see their food with open eyes.
Is it appropriate to break it off with a woman after three dates because she doesn鈥檛 like dogs?
After three dates, you can break it off with anyone for any reason you like.
Sleeping bag or quilt for couple鈥檚 backpacking?
Once you backpack with a quilt, you鈥檒l never go back. Sew on a DIY footbox with fleece if your toes slip out and get cold.
What have been your favorite outdoor dates?
Inner-tube float trips down the Oconto River, surprise dog-friendly campouts, slacklining over a snowbank, and riding horses double-bareback. I鈥檓 also partial to trying things, like surfing, that neither of us have done before; there鈥檚 no pressure, and there鈥檚 nothing quite like falling down together to get you laughing.
My friends are all geeking out on craft beer, but I think it tastes gross.
Find another drink you like so you can join in without yucking their yum. Try a dry cider or an on-tap root beer. If you want to geek out on something, too, read up on cheese or chocolate or pretzels-and-mustard and bring samples for everyone to try. I guarantee they鈥檒l be happy to oblige.
Why does my husband always bring an elaborate espresso-making setup camping? Cowboy coffee has always been good enough for me.
Because, like the best of us, he鈥檚 hooked on caffeine and wants to get as much pleasure as possible out of his addiction. Get off your high horse, cowboy, and take advantage of his excellent standards.
I get jealous when my dog cuddles with other people.
Take your cues from polyamory and try to cultivate compersion, which is basically taking joy in your beloved鈥檚 joy. Your dog is happy! He鈥檚 enjoying himself and building social skills and probably getting petted very nicely. There鈥檚 still no question, of course, that you鈥檙e his person. You鈥檙e just helping him learn that the world is full of goodness.
I鈥檓 a woman with a vulva, I love multiday hikes far away from modern plumbing, and I am sometimes lucky enough to hike with someone who also wants to have sex with me. The problem is if I have sex in the woods and don鈥檛 manage to get a shower afterward, I almost inevitably end up with cystitis鈥斺渇eminine wipes鈥 just don鈥檛 seem to work. Any tips for avoiding this?
Humans have been successfully sexing it up outdoors since before we were humans, so this is a great one to talk to your doctor about. In the meantime, switch out scented wipes for a plain wet washcloth, drink lots of water, make sure everyone washes their hands, and鈥攕ince different positions can spread bacteria differently鈥攖ry to treat this limitation as a challenge: What are some new and different ways you can hook up?
My best friend and I met this girl (鈥淢ary鈥) in Telluride, Colorado, at a festival. When Mary left, he called dibs on her and told me that I needed to back off. I didn鈥檛 want to create any problems between us, but I was getting more vibes from her than he was. Ends up we go back to our hometown and all three hang out for like four weeks biking, paddleboarding, drinking, etc. Every time we are out, Mary gravitates toward me and is very touchy and flirtatious. Recently I told her that I liked her through a little bit of a drunken text and asked where she stood with my friend. She responded that she likes me as well and loves being around me but really didn鈥檛 know where they stand, and now that she knows how I feel, this is a game changer. The next time we were all out at another festival in town, she was getting pretty drunk and hanging all over me in front of him. I told her she needed to make a decision or tell me to step aside. Her response was, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 want you to step aside.鈥 The problem I have is that she and I get along really, really great, and I know more about her life than my friend does by far. Since then, I have found out that they have slept together recently, and I am really disappointed but happy for him at the same time, if that makes sense? He is a great guy and a great friend, but I am as well, and we both met someone we both like. It鈥檚 hard to be around them and act like it鈥檚 no big deal. And who the hell calls dibs on a girl? By the way, there is a 20-year age difference between us and Mary.
You can have two great friends here or possibly none鈥攁nd since Mary isn鈥檛 making an explicit decision, it鈥檚 time for you to be decisive. Congratulate your friend, don鈥檛 engage with Mary鈥檚 flirtations, and dial back on the drunk texting. Maybe Mary even has some cool outdoorsy friends she can set you up with for a double paddleboarding date.
My hunch is that since Mary鈥檚 a lot younger than you and your friend, she may be intentionally holding back to avoid starting a commitment. Or maybe she鈥檚 genuinely crushing on both of you and doesn鈥檛 know how to decide. Either way, if you step back now, you鈥檒l give the message that you鈥檙e not interested in competing or playing games. And if your romantic paths end up crossing at some point in the future, she鈥檒l know that you鈥檙e a man who takes friendships鈥攁nd relationships鈥攕eriously.