You may have heard or read a lot about the morning routines of high-functioning people鈥擟EOs, visionary businesswomen and men, political leaders, gurus, life coaches, and other larger-than-real-life figures.聽They only sleep 45 minutes a night, and upon waking, they walk into a dry ice chamber for ten minutes to meditate and get their heart going while reviewing their goals for the day, then eat fresh greens and raw fish, wash it down with a gallon of ionized water, and finally have a single espresso or four ounces of coffee. After finishing their morning routine, they go out and succeed like a motherfucker, making more money in the first hour of the day than you and I make in an entire week or month. And I kind of assume they look good doing it.
You, too, can adopt these routines of successful people.
Or聽you can do something completely different, something similar to what the rest of us do in the morning. Follow these 14 steps and you鈥檒l be on your path to being kind of successful鈥攅specially if your definition of success is something like 鈥渒eeping it together for another day鈥 or 鈥渂eing pretty grateful to be alive and have what I have.鈥
1. Get seven聽to nine hours of sleep, and then…
2. Hit snooze 3聽to 11 times.
3. If you have kids, laugh at the idea of having a routine that optimizes anything to do with you.
4. Despite the fact that you鈥檙e already behind schedule, look at stuff on your phone for 5 to 20 minutes.聽
Doesn鈥檛 matter what it is.
5. Exclaim 鈥淥h shit鈥 and bolt out of bed.
6. Without first meditating for ten minutes or doing any sort of exercises, walk straight to your kitchen and make coffee however you usually do it.
7. Consider making a smoothie using one to several superfoods, and then don鈥檛 do it and instead drink two to five cups of coffee without eating anything.
8. Grab the notebook you would like to use for five to ten minutes of journaling.聽
Write a semi-complete grocery list in it instead.
9. Check your cupboards to see if you own coconut oil.聽
Yes? OK. No? OK too. Moving on.
10. Hastily brush your teeth for 20 seconds.
11. Put on clothes for work.聽
Maybe even clean, and/or ironed ones.
12. Begin your commute, continuously mulling over whether you have time to stop and get a breakfast burrito or not.
Either way, stop and get a breakfast burrito.
13. Realize you left your grocery list at home.
Make a mental note to at least buy toilet paper and bananas.
14. Regardless of what type of footwear you鈥檙e wearing, sprint or Olympic racewalk the final three to five minutes to your office.
