Welcome to聽Tough Love. Every other week, we鈥檙e answering your questions about dating, breakups, and everything in between. Our advice giver is Blair Braverman, dogsled racer and author of聽. Have a question of your own? Write to us at toughlove@outsideim.com.
I am a recent college graduate (class of 2018) with degrees in environmental science and photography. I have a full-time job at a nature center in my hometown, working with visitors at the interpretive center and taking pictures for the center鈥檚 social media. It pays enough to get by, and my parents are giving me free rent so I can build up my savings, but this isn鈥檛 where I want to be long-term. In fact, I found my dream job as a travel photographer for a conservation organization and applied for it a few months ago. I was a finalist for the position, but ultimately聽it went to someone else, and ever since then, I鈥檝e felt devastated and resentful at my current job, even though I know it鈥檚 objectively fine.聽
I am ambitious, a hard worker, and serious about my photography. I鈥檓 also young and single, so I have a lot of freedom that I know I may not have forever. How do you get an exciting, successful career when you鈥檙e living at home with your parents in Indiana?
Most opportunities don鈥檛 work out. You can be the most talented photographer, the most brilliant scientist, or the most diligent activist, and most things聽蝉迟颈濒濒听won鈥檛 work out. Organizations lose funding. Employers choose someone else. People get excited and make promises they can鈥檛 fulfill.
That doesn鈥檛 mean you shouldn鈥檛 throw your hat in the ring. It means you should throw your hat in more rings.
Every person with a career you鈥檇 kill for has had countless disappointments. In fact, the more successful they are, the more rejections they鈥檝e had鈥攂ecause they鈥檙e putting themselves out there, taking risks, and still moving forward. Most awesome careers have far more interested applicants than open positions, which means that the majority of those people will be turned away. They鈥檒l be turned away by many places, again and again. That鈥檚 just the way it goes.
But here鈥檚 the other thing: once you鈥檙e not as scared of things not working out鈥攂ecause you know that they probably won鈥檛鈥攜ou鈥檙e free to dream as big as you can. Want a job as a trekking guide in Iceland, which would involve travel and the chance for gorgeous photos? You might as well apply, because it probably won鈥檛 work out! Want an internship with the UN聽or an artist鈥檚 residency in Antarctica? It probably won鈥檛 happen, but give it a go!
Turn applying for big dreams into your hobby. Like, your actual hobby,聽because once you get over the fear of failure, the dreaming part is fun. Spend a few hours a week looking for opportunities that would literally change your life: Jobs around the world. Massive fellowships鈥攁nd small ones, too. Piss-your-pants opportunities. Make yourself available. Apply for things on a whim. Forget about them. Maybe you鈥檒l hear back; maybe you won鈥檛. Once I filled out a five-minute form to nominate myself and my boyfriend for a couples鈥 wilderness reality show, then forgot about it for years. Last spring, my now husband and I were ,聽because that old application had made its way to a casting company鈥攁nd we got to have a very cool adventure. You never know how the seeds you鈥檙e planting will bear fruit.
This same rule applies for creative work, at least when you鈥檙e first starting out. You鈥檙e not collecting acceptances; you鈥檙e collecting rejections. Yes, you should do your due diligence, make sure you鈥檙e perfecting your cover letter, and pitching appropriate venues, that sort of thing. Don鈥檛 spam editors or be sloppy, and respect the norms of the industry by, for example, always disclosing simultaneous submissions; you don鈥檛 want things to backfire if you聽do聽get the go-ahead. But give yourself a goal number of rejections. Maybe it鈥檚 50 or 100 or 200. Come up with a prize, something indulgent that you wouldn鈥檛 normally allow yourself (when I did this exercise with my friend, a poet, she decided her prize would be a gorgeous pair of leather boots). Then hang a paper on your wall. Every rejection gets a new tally mark鈥攊t鈥檚 an accomplishment. Your goal isn鈥檛 to get published; it鈥檚 to get 100 rejection notes, and if you鈥檙e accepted along the way, that鈥檚 a nice bonus. You are putting yourself out there in bulk.
Treat everything as information. If an editor gives you feedback, implement it before your next round of submissions. If you interview for a job you鈥檙e obsessed with, figure out what it is that appeals so much. Maybe that job means prestige, or solitude, or working with friends. Maybe you didn鈥檛 realize how badly you wanted to live in Montana until you got rejected from a job in Montana. Great鈥攖hat鈥檚 important information. That鈥檚 how you figure out what you really want.聽
Instead of being disappointed when things don鈥檛 work out, be happily surprised when they do. The best way to do this is to have a lot going on at once. If you鈥檙e focusing your hope on a single opportunity鈥攁nd of course, there will always be opportunities you want more than others鈥攖hen you鈥檒l naturally be devastated when it doesn鈥檛 come to pass. But if you have a dozen things going on, and you鈥檙e applying for more every week, then by the time you hear 鈥渘o,鈥 you鈥檝e already moved on to something else.
Most things in life don鈥檛 work out. But some do. The secret is to love the possibilities.