My friends have more money than me and always want to take trips that I can’t afford. But I hate missing out on being with them. What should I do?
This is a super frustrating problem, compounded by the fact that the language we use around money (or lack thereof) is often dizzyingly non-specific. When someone says, 鈥淚鈥檓 broke,鈥 they could mean, 鈥淢y bank account is in the negative and I don鈥檛 know how I鈥檒l eat this month,鈥 or they could mean, 鈥淢y next trust fund payment doesn鈥檛 come in until Tuesday.鈥
Money is precise, of course, but in a group of friends, it鈥檚 also relative. We measure our finances against our peers, but we don鈥檛 actually know how much money they have, so instead we measure against what we think they have, though that estimate may be wildly different from the truth. Add that to issues of shifting employment, debt, and family responsibility, and it鈥檚 no wonder that talking about money can be awkward with even the closest friends.
This is all to say that your experience is, unfortunately, common, because it鈥檚 exceedingly rare for a group of people to be in the exact same financial boat, let alone consistently so. In fact, I wouldn鈥檛 be surprised if someone else in your friend group is in the same situation as you are, but hasn鈥檛 known how to speak up.
And speaking up is exactly what you should do, even if it feels uncomfortable. But first, figure out your budget, so that you can talk specifics. (When it comes to money, people tend to interpret ambiguous statements by projecting their own experience, which isn鈥檛 exactly going to help you here.) What amount can you spend on adventures with your friends? Are you able to afford the occasional bigger trip, as long as it鈥檚 not a regular occurrence? Or is your budget basically zero? What would be a comfortable amount for you to spend? If you come to them with numbers鈥斺淗ey guys, I really want to do this, but my fun budget this month is a hundred dollars鈥濃攖hen it鈥檚 going to be much easier for your friends to adjust their plans accordingly.
Remember, your friends want your company. It鈥檚 completely normal (and great) for groups of buddies to adjust to each other鈥檚 limitations. Maybe you plan your hangouts for Saturdays, because someone has to work on Sunday. Or you when you鈥檙e hiking, because someone鈥檚 allergic to peanuts. That鈥檚 not hardship; it鈥檚 friendship. Supporting each other, and making adjustments, is part of what community is all about.
How to Plan Budget-Friendly Trips
Your friends may be able to help support you on trips they鈥檝e already planned, like by letting you sleep in their hotel room or packing food instead of stopping at restaurants along the way. They might still take the occasional trip you can鈥檛 afford, but overall, if they鈥檙e considerate, they鈥檒l keep your budget in mind.
That said, if you really want group trips that stick to your budget, the best way to ensure they happen is by planning them yourself. This is true for anyone who has limitations that their friends don鈥檛, whether those limitations are financial, physical, or something else. Your friends may not understand your criteria, even if they want to. But if you plan something and invite them, they鈥檒l be delighted鈥攁nd you鈥檒l know that the trip works for you, too.
What are your friends into? What seems fun to you? The great thing about outdoor travel is that it can be dirt cheap (no pun intended) or even free, if you take advantage of public land, shared equipment, or stuff you already have. Keep an eye out for community events, or natural phenomena like migrations or meteor showers that make even a local jaunt feel exciting. Or try something new, like foraging, and do the research yourself ahead of time. Remember that adventures aren鈥檛 fun because they鈥檙e expensive; they鈥檙e fun because of good company, or because you鈥檙e stepping outside your daily life and exploring.
If someone reading this column is the friend with more money, let this be a reminder to be considerate, and to hold off on making assumptions about what your friends can afford. Remember that amounts of money that feel small to you can cause a lot of stress for your friends, which is the last thing you want to do! That鈥檚 not to say that you should stop inviting people on trips that may be out of their budget; it鈥檚 on them to say yes or no, and everyone likes to be invited, even if they don鈥檛 ultimately come along. But try to balance those with cheaper activities鈥攐r better yet, free ones. You want your friends to know that you don鈥檛 love their company because of what they can pay for, or what you get to do together. You love their company because of who they are.
Blair Braverman writes our Tough Love column. Her favorite cheap adventure is river tubing: park one car down-river, then carpool upstream and float your way back down. In her experience, old-school tire inner tubes are often less than $10 and less likely to pop than low- or mid-priced float tubes.
