The flakes are falling, the lifts are spinning, and skiers and snowboarders are settling back into their routines鈥攁nd their slopeside habits, good and bad. As a skier who has spent winters while single at Bridger Bowl, Taos, Sugar Bowl, and beyond, I’ve learned that the ski hill is a pretty good place to find a date and a great place to decide if my latest crush is worth my time. You can learn a lot about a person based on how they behave on the mountain. If you’re scoping out potential honeys at the resort, you need to be on your best behavior. I’ve observed enough horrendous鈥攁nd charming鈥攕ki behavior to last a lifetime, so for the greater good of snow-oriented single folks, I’ve compiled some of my greatest hits鈥攁nd 鈥攊nto a helpful list.
I’ve organized them into two categories: smash and pass. An attribute or person that鈥檚 attractive is a 鈥渟mash;鈥 one that isn鈥檛, 鈥減ass.鈥 Think of it as turn-ons and turn-offs when it comes to on-hill etiquette, style, and overall vibes. I bring you: Smash or Pass: The Ski (or Snowboard) Edition.
Putting in the effort to decide together which runs to ski
It鈥檚 annoying to be dragged around the mountain by someone who doesn鈥檛 ask where you want to go, and it鈥檚 just as annoying to make all the decisions for a ski buddy who鈥檚 鈥渇ine with whatever.鈥 It might not seem like a big deal, but collaborative decision-making processes are hot.
Blasting a speaker on the lift
Nothing against music, I just want the option to not listen to yours.
Wearing a helmet聽
What can I say, safety is sexy. Even more so if you鈥檙e wearing the goggles over, not under (don鈥檛 @ me).
Asking me to follow-cam you
Unless we’ve been dating for a very long time, asking me to follow behind you with my phone while you hit jumps is showing off聽at best and condescending at worst. I don鈥檛 care how cool your cork 180 is, I鈥檓 not your videographer.
Wanting to lap the baby park
I don鈥檛 want to film your cork 180, but I鈥檒l suck at my own 360 with you at the baby park any time of the day.
Gear-splaining
Gear-splaining is like mansplaining,聽but about gear (people of all genders can do it). I’m a gear editor鈥攊t鈥檚 literally my job to talk about gear鈥攁nd even I know it鈥檚 not a good look to lecture people about their kit.
Taking French fry breaks
Some days are for bell-to-bell skiing, others are for taking a few laps and then eating greasy resort food the rest of the day and hiding out from the rain (or cold, or crowds). If you’re not down to take a few breaks here and there鈥攑ass.
Rolling up to the resort parking lot with snowmobiles on their truck bed
We get it, you sled.
Making sure the new skier or snowboarder isn’t left behind
Hanging back with the slower or new skier in the group so they don’t feel excluded (instead of bombing down the hill to show off in front of everyone)? That physically turns me on.
Ski resort and gear stickers absolutely covering their car
One or two is fine, but covering your car with stickers from all your expensive gear and far-flung ski trips is a little braggy. To be honest, the car shown above is a slightly different vibe鈥攎ore kooky and charming. Could even be a smash. But swap those hippie stickers with ones from Arc’teryx and heli-skiing operations? Pass.
*Specifically for dudes: Hyping up the girl squad
You鈥檙e right, we are good skiers, and it鈥檚 so much more fun for everyone when, instead of being threatened, you genuinely want to hang.
Saying 鈥渘o friends on a powder day鈥 unironically
Honestly, even saying it ironically is kind of annoying.
Sharing lift snacks
Bonus points if you help me finish my beer before the chair ride is done. Double bonus points if you have pocket bacon. Which is not to say I’ll eat anything you’ve stashed in your jacket鈥start pulling out carrots sticks and cold leftover garlic fries, and I’m out.
Heckling strangers from the chairlift
I love trolling my friends, but don鈥檛 be a dick to people you don鈥檛 know.