That rapid-fire drumbeat. Those 颅tinkling Casio keys. The wail of Survivor frontman Jimi Jamison. In the 1990s, the opener to Baywatch was bona fide Pied Piper stuff, an audiovisual narcotic that herded scores of teenagers, myself included, to the small screen. At its height, it was the number one TV show on the planet, broadcasting the in 15 languages. Kelly 颅Slater, riding a surge of popularity following his first world title, even starred () alongside Pamela Anderson and David Hassel颅hoff for two seasons鈥攁s Jimmy Slade, an aspiring pro surfer who (wait for it) lived in his van.
Now there鈥檚 . Could the fever be upon us again? Thanks to the anatomically sublime Dwayne 鈥渢he Rock鈥 Johnson, Zac Efron, Alex颅andra Daddario, and Kelly Rohrbach, the film boldly upholds the show鈥檚 philosophy of beach as breasty bacchanal. By gratuitously doubling down on C. J. Parker鈥檚 (Rohrbach) slow-motion jogging, Matt Brody鈥檚 (Efron) endless shirtlessness (don鈥檛 let the photo above fool you), and abundant pyrotechnics, Baywatch is banking on a new generation to swoon over the apparently sultry and exciting lives of Los Angeles County lifeguards.聽
But in a world so saturated with sex that Playboy was forced to let the nudes back in, the Baywatch babe is retrograde erotica. Slater won鈥檛 be making an appearance in the 颅movie, but for those nineties teenagers out there, Anderson and the Hoff have returned. Now can we get a John John Florence cameo?