This is part of #国产吃瓜黑料FlannelWeek, a celebration of the fabric we all know and love.听
I do not trust flannel. Like the concepts of meal planning and trucker hats, it is听billed as an easy-breezy, one-size-fits-all, universally positive thing鈥攂ut in my experience, it is听not.听I knew flannel鈥檚 reputation before I encountered it in any substantial way (not a lot of Floridians wear it), and when I finally tried it on, I听didn鈥檛 really get the appeal. Why be suspicious of a material that claims only to be cozy, protective, and capable of making one look like a hardy westerner? Because I, personally, cannot pull it off. Or identify it. Or bother to care.
I started my research for this essay by doing a closet inventory. I own three flannels, all in dark plaid prints, all collared button-ups, all 100 percent cotton. I spent a very long time considering the flimsy handfeel of these fast-fashion shirts, and then I did a cursory Google search: 鈥淲hat is flannel?鈥 Blogs with names like Plaid Lover听and 国产吃瓜黑料鈥檚 very own website told me, with varying degrees of听scolding, that I do not in fact own any flannel. Real flannel, I learn, is a听material woven so tightly it looks a little fuzzy. A flannel shirt听is not just any old shirt with a plaid pattern, it is a thick plaid shirt. But also, it doesn鈥檛 have to be plaid! I could feel a tension headache forming, so I Googled 鈥渃elebrities wearing flannel鈥 and took some deep breaths. But what鈥檚 this, the flannel shirt owns? JUST A PLAID BUTTON-DOWN. My whole life, flannel has been sold to me as a wardrobe staple, but how can it be when nobody knows what it is?
This is not to say that I have never worn genuine flannel鈥攖his is where our relationship really starts to strain. I tried on at least one version of the real thing in my previous tenure as an 国产吃瓜黑料 editor, and the effect was elfin lumberjack meets eighties power shoulders. The additional structure and heft provided by real flannel does not suit me, a five-foot-three woman who prefers to embrace her hunched shoulders and unimposing stature with gigantic, shapeless sweaters. The bright primary color combinations offered by flannel manufacturers also do not befit me, a woman who prefers her fabrics in subdued shades, such as black or jewel tones so dark they might as well be black.听
I鈥檓 aware that I am supposed to feel effortlessly utilitarian in flannel, but its ax-wielding Mr. Autumn Man identity is so strong that it鈥檚 all I can see and it never feels right. What鈥檚 effortless about that?
The thing that baffles me most, though, is if I were to own real听flannel, when would I wear it? I think lots of people look very cool and casual wearing it, but when I do, I feel both too dressed up and not dressed up enough. It seems听like I am pretending to be a lumberjack if I wear it to the office, and I feel like I鈥檇 rather be wearing my warmest sweatshirt if I bring it on a cold-weather camping trip. I鈥檓 aware that I am supposed to feel effortlessly utilitarian in flannel, but its ax-wielding Mr. Autumn Man identity is so strong that it鈥檚 all I can see. It never feels right. What鈥檚 effortless about that?
Maybe I tell myself this because I hold the potential to be a flannel-hoarder. After admiring early-career George Clooney in a flannel creation, I remembered that my partner (or pardner, when wearing plaid)听owns multiple real flannel shirts. I stole one and wore it atop my oversize sweater while writing, and I have to admit that while I look听bulky as all hell, I have never felt cozier in my entire life.
This particular shirt, which I might never take off, hails from a famous epicenter of the form: the . I was there when he bought it last month, and I think back to the store鈥檚 weird new-fabric smell and wall-to-wall stacks of lightly fuzzy goodness. While I avoided trying听on any flannel myself, I peered at flannel blankets and, at the cash register, a novelty offering: the flannel thong. These two items, I think, highlight flannel鈥檚 true charms. I thought flannel was a look, a dress-up session as a person who knows how to fell a tree. But I didn鈥檛 give flannel its due for being more humble than that. It鈥檚 not a showy lifestyle signaller; it鈥檚 not even necessarily plaid or Christmas colored. It is but a simple fabric, carefully woven and extremely warm (when used in large enough quantities). Even those of us who can鈥檛 stand to be seen in it can hide its careful craftsmanship beneath our less practical clothes鈥攐r better yet, we can hide our whole selves in it, as beautiful plaid blanket burritos.