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So you've got a new partner. It's fresh. It's fun. And then they invite you on a camping trip. Here's how to keep the magic alive while dirty, greasy, and gross.
So you've got a new partner. It's fresh. It's fun. And then they invite you on a camping trip. Here's how to keep the magic alive while dirty, greasy, and gross. (Photo: Daniel Holz/Tandem)
Tough Love

Your First Trip with a New Flame: A Practical Guide

Avoiding the awkwardness of the poop zone and other early-relationship concerns

Published: 
So you've got a new partner. It's fresh. It's fun. And then they invite you on a camping trip. Here's how to keep the magic alive while dirty, greasy, and gross.
(Photo: Daniel Holz/Tandem)

New perk: Easily find new routes and hidden gems, upcoming running events, and more near you. Your weekly Local Running Newsletter has everything you need to lace up! .

Welcome to Tough Love. Every other week, we鈥檙e answering your questions about dating, breakups, and everything in between. Our advice giver is Blair Braverman, dogsled racer and author of . Have a question of your own? Write to us at toughlove@outsidemag.com.


I have a new boyfriend. He鈥檚 really great: sweet, smart, good taste in music, a talented cook, saving the world through his job, and, like me, loves climbing. But here鈥檚 the thing: He doesn鈥檛 seem to understand that my love of climbing does not make me a 5.12 crusher. I keep telling him I鈥檓 not very good, but he says he doesn鈥檛 care or that he doesn鈥檛 believe me.聽We鈥檙e going on a several-day climbing trip soon, and I鈥檓 worried for three reasons: 1.聽How can I make it clear that I can鈥檛 hang on the same routes as him, and how can I guarantee he won鈥檛 be disappointed when that happens on this trip? We鈥檙e out there for a lot of days! Just the two of us! I don't want to hold him back. 2.聽That鈥檚 a lot of time together and it鈥檚 forcing us into the poop zone sooner than I鈥檓 typically comfortable with. What鈥檚 the best way to talk about bathroom stuff without being embarrassed? 3.聽My hair will be very greasy by the end. How best to hide this look?

Congrats on the new guy! He sounds like a wonderful fit. For your three-part question, here鈥檚 a three-part answer.

1. Your guy may be used to women understating their skills so as not to threaten the male ego, or he may just think you鈥檙e being modest. My hunch is that when you tell him you鈥檙e 鈥渘ot very good鈥 at climbing, he鈥檚 hearing it as a value judgment鈥攁 self-criticism鈥攁nd he鈥檚 trying to build your confidence by disagreeing. In fact, it sounds like you mean the statement neutrally. You鈥檙e not getting down on yourself; you鈥檙e just describing the level of climbing that you prefer. In the future, you can give concrete examples of your skill level (鈥淢y perfect day of climbing means sending a few 5.10s at the crag鈥) rather than use subjective phrases like good聽or not good,聽and make it clear that you feel just fine about your skills, thank you. There鈥檚 no judgment here; you鈥檙e both just figuring out the best way to share your love of climbing with each other.

2. The poop zone. Godspeed. Honestly, I鈥檓 kind of a prude when it comes to talking about bathroom stuff. This is somewhat unusual for an outdoorsperson, I know, especially one who鈥檚 been on extended expeditions in close quarters with other folks. It鈥檚 not that I find bodily functions embarrassing or gross鈥攚e have bodies, they function, I get it鈥攂ut in situations where privacy is limited, I try to create the illusion of it when I can.

At home聽I鈥檝e adopted a relationship motto that I picked up, if I recall correctly, while flipping through a fundamentalist Christian marriage book. The motto is: preserve the mystery.聽If my husband tries to come into the bathroom while I鈥檓 in there? 鈥淧reserve the mystery,鈥 I remind him through the door. Should I聽have to pee behind the truck on a cross-continental road trip with friends? 鈥淧reserve the mystery!鈥 I wail. I鈥檓 fond of the phrase because it聽expresses that I don鈥檛 take myself too seriously while at the same time makes聽the other person go away and maintains聽a little dignity. Plus, it鈥檚 funny. It鈥檚 never failed me. Consider it yours now.

In conclusion: you鈥檙e only in the poop zone if you want to be in the poop zone (and if you do, that鈥檚 your business). We have euphemisms for a reason. Use them as you see fit, keep a sense of humor, and if it comes down to it, remember that bodies being bodies is not actually a big deal.

3. You鈥檒l look adorable at the end of the trip. I guarantee it. Tan, dirty, with greasy hair and a big smile? He won鈥檛 be able to look over at you聽without thinking how cute you are. That said, as someone who who spends a lot of time wearing hats and not washing my hair in the wilderness, I have a couple tricks up my sleeve. For my hair texture鈥擨 have fine hair, but a lot of it鈥擨 like to start a trip with my hair down or braided, then switch to a messy bun after a couple days to avoid the whole Afghan-hound look. When it鈥檚 brisk out, a wide headband does wonders (and though I鈥檝e never pulled off the look myself, I have friends who swear by a Rosie-the-Riveter-style bandana). When it鈥檚 hot, remember that fine dust makes the best dry shampoo; it soaks up oil and gives your hair texture at the same time. Get your hands dusty, brush through your hair with your fingers, and embrace the mess.

Lead Photo: Daniel Holz/Tandem

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