Life, Death, and PTSD as a Ranger in the Tetons
For some climbing rangers in Wyoming's Grand Teton National Park, every ridgeline holds the memory of a rescue, every peak a body bag. It's more than they can handle alone.
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鈥淩achel, where are you?鈥 I yelled into the void above.
A fellow听Grand Teton climbing ranger, who I鈥檒l call Ben,听and I were roped up in a wet and dirty听chimney system on the east face of Teewinot, a 12,325-foot peak that rises more than 5,000听feet above the valley floor. And that was the problem. The standard east-face route up Teewinot is an easy scramble: it鈥檚 Grade Two, fourth class. We were looking for a woman who had wandered drastically off route and was now stranded on a rectangular-shaped ledge about the size听of an Ensolite pad.
It was August 22, 2015. Three women in their mid-twenties鈥擨鈥檒l call them Kate, Rachel, and Tara鈥攈ad planned to run up听the east face of Teewinot. One of them had been up the face before and knew that, with an early start and some fitness and comfort with nonroped scrambling, they could pull it off. They all had experience hiking throughout the Tetons. But earlier that morning, we received a call about screams coming from just off the standard route. Ben and I were short-hauled听by a helicopter to a ledge where we found two women without vital signs. Once we knew there was nothing we could do to save them, we began climbing up toward听Rachel.
I looked back down at Ben and shook my head. Where was she?听It didn鈥檛 make any sense鈥擨 couldn鈥檛 imagine anyone with a sense for route finding getting this off track. 鈥淭hrow a pebble down if you can,鈥 I called to her.听I thought this would give us a sense of where she was stranded on the wall. 鈥淥K, but where are my friends?鈥 I remember her asking. Her voice echoed across the face like a reflection in a fun house wall of mirrors.
鈥淵our friends are down on the ledge below,鈥 I lied. But it was only a white lie鈥攖hey were听still on that ledge 200 feet below.
A small pebble bounced 50 feet听away to our left. Ben took the next pitch up a hundred feet and traversed 50 feet to the left.听I soon joined him.听We were now 40 feet听above our stranded climber. A quick rappel brought me down to Rachel鈥檚听small perch. Physically, she was fine, but she was clearly shaken.听We hardly spoke. I told her only what I was doing and how we would get off the mountain.听I built an anchor, tied her a diaper harness with a sling, and clipped both of us in. Ben rappelled down beside us. Next came fitting her into the screamer suit, our cherry red Cordura diaper vest used to package . The helicopter was inbound.
鈥淭eewinot, this is helicopter Three Five Hotel Xray, how do you copy?鈥
鈥淟oud and clear, how me?鈥
鈥淚鈥檝e got you the same.鈥
鈥淪teve, winds are five听knots from the south, we have two short-haulers at 310 pounds ready for you.鈥
鈥淐opy, Drew, we鈥檙e inbound.鈥
A 150-foot rope dangled beneath the A-Star helicopter.听Rachel and I were clipped together听to a master point鈥攖he God ring鈥攖hat we would need to clip into the rope. Steve maneuvered the ship toward the wall, the end of the rope now 50听feet above us.
鈥淔ive zero feet,鈥 I spoke听into the mic attached to my climbing helmet.
鈥淐opy, five zero,鈥 Steve slowly lowered the ship听toward us.
鈥淔our zero. Three zero. Two zero. One zero. Eye level. I have the rope.鈥 It was mind-blowing what Steve could do with that helicopter.
鈥淗ook up.鈥
I clipped our God ring into听the end of the rope. Ben quickly unclipped us from the anchor.
鈥淗ooked and ready.鈥
鈥淐oming up.鈥 Steve gently pulled us up and away from the wall, two marionettes held by one rope, firmly attached to the underbelly of the ship听above. Within seconds we were moving east at 50 miles an hour, dangling in space 5,000听feet above Lupine Meadows and the Jenny Lake climbing rangers鈥櫶齬escue cache, which served as both a headquarters for incident command as well as a landing zone for our helicopters.听Rachel was silent, her face blank.
Steve set us down on the pad next to the rescue cache and departed back to Teewinot to retrieve the woman鈥檚 two friends. Her friends, however, would be making the flight in body bags.听Rachel looked around and asked again, 鈥淲here are Kate and Tara?鈥
I could only look back at her and slowly shake my head.
That morning, around 11听A.M.听on a bluebird day, the group, already off course, had been听traversing south on the wall, moving out of a fissure system called the听Black Chimney, about 600 feet from the summit.
The women realized they weren鈥檛 on route. All of them started to feel unsafe. Rachel sat down to reassess their situation. Tara, just ten feet away, tried to climb up and over a small ledge to get a better view of their surroundings. And then she slipped. Kate reached out to grab her, and they both fell, one and then two women hurtling听through space, alternately bouncing off the just-shy-of-vertical walls and then听free-falling before coming to a final resting place 200听feet down on the ledge below.
I still imagine the two screams in my waking hours.
I still see a sobbing woman in a heap, learning that her friends were gone.
That evening, I sat alone in the rescue cache in Lupine Meadows, poured a whiskey, and opened my battered and dog-eared copy of Leigh听Ortenburger and Reynold Jackson鈥檚听.听The Black Chimney route, the route we had found ourselves in, was probably first climbed in 1939 and later rated 5.6.听鈥淎bandon the crest of the ridge in order to get into the beginning of the Black Chimney,鈥澨齬ead the description. 鈥淎bove the two chockstones in the lower section… is a steep rotten section that often has black ice in it. After three or four rope-lengths, traverse south out of the chimney onto easier rock leading to the summit.鈥 The route description ends with the comment, 鈥淎t best, the Black Chimney is a treacherous place because of the rotten rock.鈥
鈥淎re you fucked up?鈥 asked听another ranger, who I鈥檒l call Jason,听walking听into the rescue cache. I hadn鈥檛 even finished my first drink, but that wasn鈥檛 what he was wondering. 鈥淣o more than usual.鈥澨齀 poured him a glass. 鈥淵ou got a minute? I need to talk.鈥
He had been on his share of body recoveries.听鈥淪ure, man,鈥 he said. 鈥淚 get it, I鈥檝e been there. We鈥檝e all been there.鈥
鈥淭his one was different,鈥 I said. 鈥淭wo women on the ledge.听It was obvious they had injuries incompatible with life. We had to climb听up through blood in the chimney to find the last gal.听I鈥檝e picked up plenty of others鈥攆riends听even鈥攂ut this one felt …听different.鈥
Karl Marlantes describes conversations like these in his 2011听book . Marlantes was a young Marine lieutenant in Vietnam and noted that none of his men ever wanted to talk to the chaplain, because the chaplain had never seen what they had seen. But another soldier, the sergeant,听was in his third tour in Vietnam. And one by one, the men would steal back to his tent to talk.
Jason didn鈥檛 say much as I spoke.听He listened听and听nodded.听I knew he would.听This is what we do for one another. He finished his drink and said, 鈥淟et me know what you need, brother,鈥 and walked out the front door into the darkness.
Two years after pulling Rachel from the ledge,听I was sitting in the back of the room at the main lodge of听Snowbird in Utah. In the winter I work as a听forecaster at the Utah Avalanche Center, and each fall听we have a听. Dave Richards, head of Alta Ski Area鈥檚 snow safety and avalanche reduction team, stood on stage talking about mental health and post-traumatic stress disorder. He showed photo after photo of the anonymous frozen and mangled bodies he had recovered over the course of his career. Dave said he suffered greatly from all the recoveries and that, at one point, he had needed to take some time off. I was shocked, but not at his emotional trauma. Dave was talking openly about听mental health and resiliency. He wasn鈥檛 sweeping it under the rug. Dave comes from a hardcore mountain family鈥攈is father is a longtime climber and now retired ski patroller from Alta, and his brother, Cory,听is the center of , a documentary听about surviving an avalanche while descending Gasherbrum II in Pakistan. But this was a stroke of genius.听By听detailing his struggles in front of 700 snow and avalanche professionals, Dave kicked open the door听for the rest of us听to talk about mental health. Like many things, it wasn鈥檛 just the message听but .
Mental health is like physical health. Both听can suffer trauma. Each can take weeks, months, or years to recover from. Sometimes we never recover at all. Mental trauma can听affect different people on the same rescue or recovery in very different ways. We may walk through terrain where we conducted a body recovery or see someone in a crowd who you鈥檇 swear was the person from the body bag. Bob Irvine, a Teton climbing ranger from 1963 to 1995, says he can鈥檛 walk through the range without seeing places where people have died. On the flip side, another climbing ranger, George Montopoli, who began his summer Teton climbing career in 1977, told me not long ago that for every place he sees a body recovery, he sees another place where we made a rescue. For a time, I听too could only look at the mountains and see death and injury. I know countless widows听around these mountains.
The alpinist recently told me:听鈥淚f you only see death in the mountains, then you鈥檒l never go there.鈥 I know this is how we are wired.听We embrace things that nourish us and give us joy, and we avoid things that cause pain and sadness. But the mountains bring about joy, and they bring about sadness. They remind us of the eternal link between life and death鈥攚e can鈥檛 have one without the other. Understanding this connection听is fundamental to our own resiliency. So is talking with others who hold similar experiences. This is often referred to as peer-to-peer听counseling.听Another crucial part of the path is finally shedding the stigma of mental health and suffering. Thanks, Dave.
Marlantes, the former Marine lieutenant,听advises what听I would call Pre-Traumatic Stress Management,听ways to understand and anticipate trauma before it happens. These may include sitting with others and talking about what it may be like while on the scene. Then, after the event, strive to communicate with vulnerability to friends and loved ones. Exercise. Sleep. Avoid the overconsumption of food, alcohol, and sex. Find time for quiet and reflection.
In the Tetons, at the end of a rescue or body recovery, we鈥檇 often wander over to the porch at the large cabin in the meadow just听south of Jenny Lake. There鈥檇 be a bottle or two on the porch, but often it would go unopened.听We鈥檇 look past one another, tell a joke about death, look up at Teewinot, listen to Cottonwood Creek and the rustle of wind through the leaves. Sometimes we鈥檇 tell stories. What was important was that each of us had been there; we all, in another way, had blood on our hands鈥攚e had all shared the same experiences. While always offered, we didn鈥檛 need the chaplain. We听needed each other.
Drew Hardesty is a longtime forecaster at the Utah Avalanche Center and a climbing ranger in Grand Teton National Park.